I made up my mind at work today (during one of those intermediate stretches of mental freedom) that I would try really hard to not blog when I'm depressed... Mainly because that's what I've been seeing lately on blogs and it makes me sad to see so many people sad and angry... I wouldn't want that version of me (quite the human being, I can get very sad/angry too) to join the masses out there, not because I'm trying to be 'better' or different from the rest, but simply because I don't like the idea of emitting sadness, specially on personal issues... Maybe that's me just being silly and sensitive, but reading friends' blogs that are all dark and angst-ridden really scares me sometimes, and maybe people like seeing that kind of thing or don't get as affected as I do, but I still wouldn't want my own version of posts like to be open for public viewing. At the same time though, I know blogs can be a really good vent, and I used to be one of those people who vented through blog-like channels, but when I went back and looked at the stuff I'd written (after a couple of months) I felt really :| at what I must've been thinking and feeling when I wrote all that, b'cos in general, I'm not a sad person (I try not to be anyway :P), and there it was, displayed like some scary inner preview into an angry mind.
Another thing I've been thinking about is the way things have been changing, evolving perhaps. I was comparing the three most recent stages of my life (school -university- working life) and the only real thing that's been constant throughout is family and a few very close friends... Of course you make and break friendships all along the way, hopefully more of the former :P but as time goes on the relationships change too... I guess when you see people less there's also less of a bond (in a very general sense, because there are always exceptions to the rule), and less things to talk about, though logic would probably try to tell you otherwise... people's expectations change too, and that's sometimes the reason for the evolution... Back in school, we all swore we'd be friends forever, and I know without doubt that that will be true for some of those friendships, but not all... In university, you meet a completely different set of people, more global, different perspectives and upbringings, and rather than growing 'up' with them, you grow as a person, in other ways.. And those friendships are no less important, particularly as you step out into the crazy wide world out there... But at the same time, I think you also need to let go of the fact that you can't and won't always be 25, sleep in and skip class, have all the energy to party all semester and study a week before the exam, and do things the way you used to... Working life makes you aware of that, specially when your colleagues are older than you and at a different stage of life, one that you know you'll be getting to soon, but not just yet, so you pick up on their little tips of wisdom and experience, and find yourself thinking "10 yrs from now, I'll be going through that.."
Things change, people move on and we all get older... But that doesn't mean you can't have fun along the way and enjoy the ride ;)
On a merrier note, August is here! :D
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