Out of sync

I get this weird feeling of disconnect sometimes. It's like I'm in a world of my own, completely oblivious to or cut off from the
going-ons of the outside world. And this world of mine has just me in it, not in a narcissistic sense but in an isolated kind of way.

I'm on the inside, I'm looking out..

I don't know if it comes from not being able to 'get' people or happenings or situations. I think space and time tends to warp the understanding you're capable of, and sometimes there's this complete inability to relate or respond appropriately.

Or maybe its just the lock-and-key theory. You fit perfectly in some places/situations, and you're completely out of sync in others. The same goes for people. And the 'fit' changes with time and circumstance. Though there's only so far you can go with flexibility before you lose your original form.

Cinderella discovered

..while spending the whole weekend cleaning the new place. Minus the torn and tattered dress though, and the evil step sisters. But I'm finally done :D And lovin' it~! Now I just need to restrain myself from going to Ikea and buying a whole load of furniture/knick knacks/lampshades that I don't need. A bean bag would be nice though.. *ahem*

I did play pool on Friday though. It's been aaaages. And it goes well with a Black Russian and good company :D The Fedora'd bro and company put on quite the show at Munchie's too- I was impressed :) And then we discovered the flirting point, had kaya toast at midnight, and trekked across Bras Basah, Chijmes and City Hall looking for a bus and a bus stop.

And the never ending supply of oranges, Japanese milk cake, sandwich spread and kindness. My new landlord is the coolest- yes he even got on a ladder and fixed me a new lampshade :)

The week went by in a flash, and the happy conversations on comfy chairs at coffeeshops were most welcome. Hima the gorgeous dropped by on Wed! Was so good catching up with him over lunch, dropped soup spoons and sugar cane juice, though I still haven't quite forgiven him for calling me at 6.30 in the morning :p And the long overdue lunch with Sid and Hoey Lit finally happened on Friday :D On a related note, Bakerzin has the most amazing chicken and mushroom sandwich ever (yes Sid, I love you for this!). There were also the domestic moments which found me looking for bathroom accessories, air freshners and kitchen utensils. I am indeed a changed person, domesticated perhaps? :p

So with the tickets to KL booked, my leave approved and the visa to Cambodia finally sorted, I'm all set for the next couple of adventures. Much joy and fun times to come :D

And in this moment, I am happy

It's been a while since the last Incubus streak. Too long I think. I'd forgotten how great the Light Grenades album is :) It's time we met and made a mess. Love that line :D

I thought this week would never end. It got better as it went by, but dragged on all the same. I'm just glad its finally Friday. The post-holiday depression is slowly tapering off too, what with everything that suddenly needs to be done.

Friends make even the bleakest of days feel sunny and warm and happy. Laughter makes the world go round. And hugs are totally underrated. Thanks you guys :)

Food has been one of the main highlights this week. Modesto's on Monday, Melben Seafood on Tuesday, Food Republic + Toastbox on Wednesday, Marché on Thursday (total Bailey's high :D).. and Plaza Sing today. Wooohooo!

And then D dropped in at work with little Oshan! Gosh, he's SO adorable. I almost want a kid now. Though I'd genetically engineer her to remain at age 1 for a good 5 years :p

I'm loving the new hidey-hole. The walk down the slope and standing on the forest threshold in the morning is just amazing. Bobbed down that road today with September playing on the pod and a manic grin on my face and got stared at by a couple of old uncles. Haha.

The hunt for the near perfect machine continues. QJ has convinced me I need to invest in Apple once again. I feel so technologically clueless at times like this. Can't I just buy something red and not bother with the other details?

I still do miss home. But I'm holding onto this for now :)

4.06 am

And I am wide awake, having stared at the ceiling for the last 45 minutes, unsuccessfully counted backwards four times and tossed around in an attempt to go back to sleep. Sigh.

Overload, and this always happens. Insomnia for someone who's life revolves around sleep is like a chocoholic not being able to stomach chocolates. Ok that actually sounds worse than insomnia... *shudder*

Its weird, the stuff you think about when you're subconsciously awake and not really fully operational. I actually decided on something that I've been avoiding thinking about for the longest time. I wonder if it'll still seem as rational when I wake up in a couple of hours (if I eventually manage to fall asleep again... Gah!).

Dinner with Jo and company was a happy and welcome distraction from all the chaos. And the crabs were yummy~! :D I miss those girls, all that laughter and sunshine.

The new abode is slowly starting to feel less warehouse-y. I just have too much stuff! And its all over the place, though I don't know what's where :( Clutter-bug much?

I miss mom, our endless chats over tea, the giggles and the madness. I miss dad, the sarcasm wars and the intellectual discussions over why I should get married and where my life is going (or not going?). Thank God for the sibling though. Family is just something else really- solid, unwavering, always have your back while you're busy dealing with curve balls and what not.

I can't really think of an ending to this very odd post, so I'll just leave it with an odd ending and crawl back into bed now. Goodnight!

Back to the grind..

Mixed feelings on a Monday morning.

I can't say I'm happy to be back, but this time around things feel out of place. Like the carpet's been yanked out from under my feet. I hope its just the holiday withdrawal acting up.

Anxiety is almost worse than fear, at least for me. The nerves, the tension, the constant wondering and waiting. Retribution soon, I hope.

Rethinking the previously held notions of people and ideas has brought to light some interesting insights and realizations. Things aren't always as straightforward as they seem, apparently.

Where did the simple life go?

Homebound

Yups its that time of the year once again when I bid thee, my loyal readers, a temporary farewell on account of me going home and lying on a beach somewhere in Bentota :D I've heard sending messages in a bottle at sea is faster than communicating via internet in SL, so I shall be going offline for a while (gosh, how modern day lingo has evolved) but will be back, depressed, fat and melancholy, in January~!

On a side note, 2009 has been a BLAST. I think its properly lived up to the declaration as the year of travel and Bailey's Irish Cream, but there's been a whole lot more to it that's made it just awesome. More ups than downs, more smiles than frowns, and lots of happy, crazy memories (and photographs!). I'm hoping 2010 (the year of more travel and Malibu) will only be better :D

So adieu till 2010 and a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to one and all! :D

The finicky nitpicker

Being a writer in a MedComs company has its consequences when it comes to daily life (just look at the title of this post). You know you take your job too seriously when:

-You unconsciously proofread newspapers and criticize the grammar/punctuation/sentence structure used.

-You capitalise the first letter of the first word (also known as sentence case) in every new sentence when chatting with people on Skype and MSN.

- You're the unanimously appointed writer/editor of the family and are called upon at 3am to proofread and share your 'expert' opinion on resumes, cover letters and CVs.

- Text alignment, page margins, colour schemes and font size can be a source of manic depression or insane glee.

- You become a paranoid hypochondriac overnight. Writing about pneumonia makes you wonder whether you've had it all this time (that darn cough that never went away) and reading a manuscript on overactive bladder syndrome makes you want to pee constantly.

- You can generate impressive bios based on 2 line CVs from the most boring people on Earth in the blink of an eye.

- MS Word, Powerpoint and RefMan become the Holy Grail of your existence. Nevermind the bombings in Baghdad and Obama's strategies to fight unemployment; Word crashed on you today and the world as you know it is ending.

- Illegally obtaining a reference paper to support the fact that 30% of all women suffer from breast cancer in Singapore can make your day.

- Your opinion of a person relies heavily on how many typos there are in their emails to you.

- You dream about having an asthma attack, not knowing how to use your inhaler properly, and then dying as a result because you can't remember the steps from when you were drafting the patient information leaflet.

- Your 'spam' mail consists of updates on medical advances and clinical research from Medscape and Wed MD.

- You completely lose it when someone hands you a letter to read with double spaces between some of the words.

- You cringe inwardly and outwardly when people say 'Oh yeah, the feedbacks we got were very helpful; there were some stuffs that needed to be improved on though.'

- You can sit through a perfectly normal conversation about infant diarrhoea over dinner and not gag once or lose your appetite.

- Your 'lingo' sounds something like this:
'So then you go Ctrl+A and Ctrl+F. Or just do a Ctrl+H to save time.. *pause* You don't know what Ctrl +H does? Where have you been living- on the moon??'
'Ok, Shift + Enter will help better with sentence alignment than just Enter. No orphan words remember? Why don't these things bother you?!'

I think I've made my point.

Bliss on a Sunday morning..

Shades of blue

It's been a weird Friday so far.

Ordinary people and random conversations can inspire you in profound ways. Make you want to be a better person,and appreciate what you have and have been given. Help you realise that there's so much more to this life than you thought possible.

A tired struggle to wake up, but what's left of the holiday high, the thought of home in a week and Live on loop kept me smiling.

A single two line email that completely knocked me off my carefully resurrected perch, right back into the chaotic undercurrent that's been holding me under the last 2 weeks.

Lunch with the ladies and a discussion about Tiger Woods, extra marital affairs and the associated complexities that come with the Y chromosome. I don't blame you guys for thinking women are complicated. We are, and I don't understand us most of the time either.

The need to stop trying to save people. The realisation that there's almost nothing I can do, except worry helplessly and be there if/when they need me, is slowly dawning, and making me feel more helpless. Some don't even want to be saved I think.

I've been not-so-pleasantly surprised by the extent to which you can unconsciously care about someone, and get affected by things going on with them as a result. It's scary stuff, not being in complete control of you.

I wish I could tell you everything that's tucked away and hidden inside, but I don't think its the right time. I'm not sure it ever will be.

There's so much to do, and so little time. Phase shifts are always hard, but this one's taking a lot out of me. Sandy beaches and sunny blue skies await on the other side, with smiles, laughter and warm hugs. I just need to hang in there and see this through. That's always the hardest part.

Resignation

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an
eight-year-old again.

I want to go to McDonald’s and think that it’s a four-star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk
with rocks.

I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can
eat them.

I want to run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot
summer’s day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple, when all you knew were colors, multiplication tables and nursery rhymes, but that didn’t bother you because you didn’t know what you didn’t know and you didn’t care. All you knew was to be happy, because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.

I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little
things again.

I want to live simply again. I don’t want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive when there are more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, mankind and making angels in the snow.

I want to play with my pets and my days of imagination to
last forever.

So here are my chequebooks and my car keys, my credit card bills and my 401(k) statements.

I am officially resigning from adulthood.

(Author Unknown)